men & the great makeup mystery

Some say love is blind, but when I moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago, I had my fingers crossed that this meant love is blind to 30 handbags, countless art supplies, & a 3-drawer dresser of makeup. (My sister claims to have my application to Hoarders at the ready.)

On moving day, he stopped what he was doing and just stared as I set up my makeup drawers & bathroom counter with 20 brushes and all of the Benefit products that I’ve accumulated over the years. The look of utter confusion that washed over his face when he saw the eyelash curler…priceless.

It got me to thinking about guys & makeup. What do they think about our beauty routines? So I asked some dear friends of mine what they think about their woman’s makeup. Here’s what they had to say…

“So on more than one occasion when we’ve been out, she will comment how she doesn’t have any lip gloss in her purse. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! Seriously. She has an entire drawer full of the stuff!” -The Confused Newly Co-habitating Boyfriend

“Super cheesy but true…I never thought she needed any makeup at all. So what I’m saying is, I don’t understand the whole routine!” -The Super Sweet Newlywed

“I wasn’t really surprised by the amount of makeup she had, but lotion, there are so many different lotions that I’m sometimes scared I’m living with Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs.” -The Newly Engaged Guy

“There’s not much I don’t understand anymore, but when we first met she did some mind-boggling trick with fake eyelashes, where she’d cut them and attach them towards the outer part of her lashes. So technical and precise, but amazing to watch! And yes, I was amazed how much of her makeup I later recognized as Benefit products. We have two drawers in our bathroom dedicated to makeup and beauty products.” -The Attentive Husband who works at Benefit

how much makeup is too much makeup?

“She definitely looks perkier when she has makeup on, but I never really notice if there’s too much or too little makeup. But two things I do not understand: Eyebrow curlers. [author’s note: yes, he wrote eyebrow curler] I don’t know if that’s what they’re called, but they’re scary looking. I would never put one of those near my eyeballs. Oh, and lotion everywhere, all the time. Lotion for the face, lotion for the body and legs. I don’t get it.” -A Clearly-not-as-Moisturized Boyfriend

“Oh, I absolutely love the end result, but there are some things that are better left with a sense of mystery & surprise.” -The Happy-to-be-in-the-Dark Guy

“I wouldn’t say that there is too much surprise about her makeup routine.  I guess the thing I was most surprised by was how much there was and how little of it was actually used (all just slightly different shades that the typical guy would call all pink).  I would say a woman’s makeup routine is similar to her closet: Full of all sorts of stuff and one-offs of each other, but she really only uses/wears 20% of it.  I guess it’s just a woman thing: Need to have it in case that rainy day comes around and she decides that the shade subtly darker than her normal shade is the way to go.  In any event…one thing I have learned is to just accept it as part of the relationship. Questioning why she needs a 200-piece makeup collection is never going to end well.” -The-Wise-Beyond-His-Years Married Man

a drawer of makeup

Clearly the final answer is: they haven’t the slightest idea. Perhaps it’s better left that way. Do you have any hilarious stories of when guys try to understand makeup?